On This Episode Of Stressbusters... My Journey with Anxiety and Dealing With Those Not So Fun Emotions...

Long blog post title right? I didn't quite know how to sum it up! Let me just say (...errr type), writing a blog post like this is not usually in my realm of comfort. Meaning, I'm welcoming you to my out of comfort zone. Yikes. Ready? But before we begin... If you're reading this with judgement, you can hit the back button. I ain't got time for that... I'm just telling my story, being honest and offering some help to those who need it. I am not a therapist or psychologist, but I'm familiar with the definitions of both anxiety and depression.

OK SO now that's out of the way. I noticed at 20 I was starting to really struggle with anxiety... and what I think was situational depression. My anxiety wasn't TERRIBLE, but any anxiety isn't really a cake walk. My truth here isn't one of victimhood, its about being a victor, not letting emotions be in the driver seat of your life.





I believe a few things attributed to these struggles:

• Being 20 lb over my ideal weight. That may seem very trivial to a lot of you, but since I already struggled with body image, every pound counted to me. Im sure you CAN relate to that feeling. 
• I was very unsure of my future, and felt compelled to figure it out. 
• I constantly compared my life to others (the grass is greener on the other side syndrome)
• Which led me to be unhappy with myself and my life
• I wasn't in the right relationship 
• and lastly, I had some inner feelings/thoughts that we're not benefitting me and incorrect views that I held onto. 

Even now, having this time to reflect in writing about my struggles continuously opens my eyes to how different my life is now. Although I still struggle with anxiety time to time, I now realize they are things I am 100% capable of changing, especially if that means I need to change (for the better though). 

I think for anyone embarking their twenties goes through a period of self exploration and finding out what they like, don't like,  questioning their capabilities and what they are willing to work for. 

I know that at times I've felt that tug of war between hustling for my future and then also enjoying the present. This, to me is called balance... and finding your own balance, personal boundaries, and sacrifices is an important endeavor! I'm working on it everyday, its more of a  "find it and maintain it through daily action and principles" method than "YAY I found it! Now I'm set" It's like fitness and health, if you want a great body and great health, you have to do it by consistent action. 

I think the last 4 or so years of being a Beachbody coach has taught me a lot more than just fitness and health, but how to dream bigger and break through my excuses. It's been truly invaluable and such a blessing. But it does NOT mean I'm perfect, it means I'm progressing! 

I still get a touch of anxiety here and there, but I'm focused on overcoming it. And to be honest, I think most of it is just too much pressure on myself, being too hard on myself, and lack of controlling where my focus goes. I started to compare again and take the eyes off my path and look at others, thinking I needed to be farther ahead. 

I have said this saying so many times... "comparison is the thief of joy" but it didn't really HIT me until last week. I know that we see things, but they don't really click at times until you are in the THICK of it, where you are being forced to use what you've learned and truly apply it to the hard times. I read a lot of self development and business related books for my passion and purpose, I've learned a lot of valuable lessons on paper that I'm starting to really apply to my life. It takes REAL work. It's not an instant thing, there's no short cuts. 

Part of my job as a coach is to be the example, to be the best I can so I can accomplish my goals and help other people do the same, like my coaches, team and customers...Even for my friends and family. I know that if I push myself to be better, I can inspire other people to break past their limits and do the same. I can't MAKE anyone do anything, all I can do is to start with ME. 

And I'll admit (again) that sometimes change is damn uncomfortable. It means you have to look at your flaws, accept them and do your best to change them. To love yourself despite your short comings when you are on the path to be better is a vital part of our journeys. And I'm coming to love myself more everyday... to find strength within to break past self imposed limits.

Last week it really hit me that I cannot compare my journey and life to anyone else. It is uniquely me, and that the more I resist it, the more I compare it, the more I will hold myself back. And the LAST thing Im going to do is hold myself back from what I know I can do, what I know I'm fully capable of doing. 

I LOVE my job as a coach, I love working with people and helping others believe in themselves. It gives me so much joy, why would I want to hurt that by playing the grass is greener on the other side? Why would I self sabotage myself and go backwards? 

Simply put: We ALL experience an array of emotions, but if they're negative and not benefitting you, its what you DO in that moment that matters. Do you choose to be a victim and let things happen to you, or do you stand up and be a victor and take action to break past your anxiety, depression, feeling not good enough or whatever it is?

If you're looking for solutions, I'll share what's worked for me. 

What's helped me:

• Writing myself 'love letters' or notes for times when I feel down, discouraged, frustrated, etc. Sounds silly maybe, but only you can change you... and you need to hear/see it in your own words. 
• Reading personal development books - Actually finishing and implementing what you learn as well.  My favorite one to help with anxiety, self discovery, and being more in control of emotions is Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins
• Critical Thinking Questions -- is what you're feeling based on your perception of your own reality OR do you need to do some investigating and just check that you'r not being ridiculous? Just being honest, but most of the time we are feeling/thought based and they're not always accurate. Since were inherently selfish we tend to see things as we experience it, but it's not the same view points that others may have. Sometimes the focus we are looking through is not serving our benefit and we need to recognize these self destructive patterns and not place blame on outside sources. 
• Getting to the root of what's really bothering you- Rising to your fears and feeding your faith that you are strong and totally capable of overcoming anything you wish to. 
• Talking it out with friends, but be careful of complaining. I try not to complain, and if I realize I am I don't like the way I sound. I want to know that I'm looking for a solution and not being a burden. 
• Mediation, prayer, yoga - I love to take some downtime... I'm a pretty active, and out going person so sometimes its nice to flip the switch and get back to myself. 
• Attitude of Gratitude journal - everyday I write down 3 things I'm grateful for and why, that honestly keeps me in check with how blessed I am to have what I have. I have to remind myself that if I complain, its literally #FirstWorldProblems 
• Leave myself notes around the house- So I went a little magic marker crazy and decided that I needed to go back to what I use to do... when I first started P90X I needed all the encouragement I could get. Back then we didn't have challenge groups, we just did our programs and hopefully had a workout buddy. So I would leave my self notes on mirrors around the house to remind me of how valuable I am already and that my goals and future are important. I have a few up around my house now =) 
• I could keep going, but lastly, I like to watch motivational videos like this: 

You probably noticed that I did not include therapy or any type of drug. That's because I don't do either.. for me personally, I believe I have the right tools and resources to get through whatever it is that I'm handling or that may come down the road. I have been to therapy quite a few times over the years, more so in my early twenties and in high school for things that I was currently dealing with.

Therapy was very important to try because it taught me that NO ONE can make the choice for you, that you need to do the work yourself. But therapy can help you discover the steps you need to take. I'm not knocking it, but I know that for me at this point in my life, I know what needs to be done. I also don't take medicine because I want to personally train my brain and mind what I want it to do. I know our minds are powerful, and I believe that we ARE capable of more than we realize. I also don't think my anxiety is severe enough to where I cannot handle it with the above methods!

I hope this has been of some help to you. It's been interesting to be so open with a topic that a lot of people think is taboo. Our mental health is JUST as important, if not MORE important than our physical health. I know there are a lot of people out there who try to brush things under the rug, and sometimes a quick escape is all you need to redirect your attention, but I also think its important to deal with things head on if they repeat themselves (since you are allowing it).

If you have any other suggestions, methods, or questions, post them in the comment section below. You are among friends, there's no judgement I will make upon you for sharing your piece. 

Hasta Luego mi amigos <3

10 Decisions You Won't Regret in Your Twenties

I'm half way through my twenties with a birthday on the horizon in May... time is one of those things you cannot control...there's no speeding up or slowing down (even as much as we THINK it is).

And I'll be honest, at times growing up can feel like an out of body experience... between creating a life, designing a future, experiencing milestones, HAVING FUN, and finding what feels REAL and authentic. 

It's truly bittersweet, some things we are happy to see end while some things we wish we could hold onto forever. 

I guess I'm a tad sentimental this morning as I plan my week for work and look at some life long goals. Its intimidating, exhilarating and promising. 

It's natural to have regrets... life is dance of trial and error, you find out what you like, what you don't like, what you want more of, what you won't tolerate... and its up to YOU (and me) to create a tailor made life. Let's face it, no one is going to do it for us. Not even your mom or dad... not your sister and certainly NOT your future husband (for all of you waiting on that special someone). 

So I wanted to create a LIST of decisions that you WON'T regret in your twenties. We have plenty of lists of things to not do and avoid, but what about a little clarity on what's GOOD for us and our future?! 

1. BE YOURSELF, BUT YOUR BEST SELF.
(What I'm really saying is: Be your true self -- if you love Harry Potter like me, don't hide it!) 

I know this seems a bit vague because you can go about improving yourself in so many ways, 'be yourself' 'be YOU' -- but I believe thats the point. It's open ended and a fill in the blank. Think of mad libs for your life. What adjectives can you use to describe yourself? What adjectives do you WANT to describe yourself? Use bright, descriptive words that will empower you. What you believe comes after "I am..." will be your reality. Even if you haven't acquired certain characteristics that you DO want to harness, start taking actions and steps to being more _____ (confident, secure, organized). 

Don't condemn yourself to following the crowd, whats cool on Instagram or what all your friends are doing. The coolest thing you can do is improving your character because your future self depends on it.

Tip: For me personally, I love "I CAN"TATIONS -- affirmations, whatever you want to call them. I'm a HUGE fan of Tony Robbins. I believe he's a living legend and I pretty much eat up what he says. Next to my desk for work I have a list of "I am" that I read everyday. Write them down, put them by your bed/by the mirror/on your phone/by your desk. There's power in your thoughts, words and actions. Make a list of your own "I am" affirmations or ICAN-tations. And remember that repetition is the mother of skill, so read it everyday with emotion! If you think this is too "foo foo' for you -- have an open mind. 

2. OWN YOURSELF
(What I'm really saying is: Toss the excuses, you're not 12 anymore. Handle your shit) 

Own yourself. There are so many directions I could take this, but I will simplify this the best way I know how. When you take FULL responsibility for your thoughts, decisions, actions, and overall LIFE, you literally set yourself free. "How?" you may ask, well, when you are in charge of YOU, you either create a cage or you grow your wings. 

No one can touch your sense of peace, excitement, and passion for life if you are responsible for how you feel, how you interpret good AND bad experiences (especially what you LEARN from them), and your actions. 

Don't let others own you... don't let situations or circumstances own you. You and I are so much more powerful than that. 

Everything in your life has been attracted YOU by YOU. If you don't like it, you have the power to CHANGE it.

Tip: Check yourself through out the day and ask this question; "Am I attracting what I want to happen during my day?" If yes, keep doing it! If not, re-evaluate and take ownership that you can change it.

3. MEET NEW PEOPLE
(What I'm really saying is: Expand your circle, say hi to a stranger, meet for coffee) 

Remember how easy it was in high school to make friends? Remember how college (if you went, I only tried 6 different community colleges before starting my own business) made it easy to converse with others? You were surrounded by your peers, it was EASIER to make friends. 

Now that we're growing up, meeting new people has to be a conscious effort! For me personally, the best way I can meet new people and make new friends is by putting myself out there. If you're an introvert, this can be out of your comfort zone, but has anything GREAT been accomplished there?

Compliment people when you're out, most people have a long list of things they can't stand about themselves, but that all seems to fizzle away when a stranger says, "Hey! I LOVE your hair!" 

I find a genuine compliment surprises people and instantly puts a smile on their face. And it makes YOU feel equally as good because you just positively effected the course of someones day. You could be the DEFINING difference between a good and bad day. 

You don't have to be-friend every person you come into contact with, but a small conversation starter when you're at a cafe, waiting in line at the grocery store, or out shopping could strike up a life long friendship or new business contact. 

The butterfly effect is powerful, you're not a mistake... you have the power to make a difference.

Tip: Genuinely compliment one person a day! 

4. KEEP READING, LEARNING & GROWING
(What I'm really saying is: Your personal success is directly correlated to your personal growth. If you want to be your own personal bad ass, you have to work for it. We need more passionate driven twenty somethings). 

Going back to the high school and college reference, it was easy to read because it was a requirement. Your biggest growth happens when you are INTENTIONAL about it. So it's no surprise that when people are done with their schooling, they think that the learning process is over. Knowledge is NOT power unless APPLIED. 

In fact, now more than ever is when you should commit yourself to be the sharpest tool in the shed - nothing boosts our confidence more than purposely choosing to be better. 

What habits and standards you set for yourself in growth now will carry over to your 30s, 40s and quite possibly the REST of your life.

If you're not a reader, just commit to 10 pages a day of a good book. Anyone can do 10 pages... even if its excruciatingly boring for the first few days, tell yourself this: "I am learning to enjoy reading because I know it will open my mind to new opportunities and possibilities" << Because it will. Remember whatever you tell yourself, you will believe.

And the reason I encourage reading is because we need ALL different learning types, and this one is MOST avoided after formal education or trainings. But check out Youtube for audiobooks, podcasts, and recorded trainings/seminars.

Progress = happiness. So if you're continuously progressing and learning, you will always find reasons and things to be happy about! AND you'll be creating more opportunities for your future! *TRUST ME! 

5. UNPLUG FROM SOCIAL MEDIA AND PLUG INTO LIFE
(What I'm really saying is: When you're hanging with your friends, family, whoever, be present, embrace the moment. Staring at your phones in a group isn't hanging out, it's doing what you do at home but in a different place). 

If you're working hard in your twenties to create a better future, don't forget to explore on the weekends. I find that disconnecting from social media and getting out of my usual element/surrounding rejuvenates me, increases creativity and reminds me of the BIG PICTURE.

We're often examining, evaluating, comparing, and consuming whats around us all week long. Your power button isn't meant to be ON 24/7. Even as productive as I LOVE to be, sometimes taking a weekend off or a quick getaway recharges me. AND I'm more excited to get back to work because I've had enough time to take care of myself, and other important categories of my life.

Tip: take a weekend getaway, plan a hike with your friends you haven't seen in a while, do something you've been wanting to try for a while, call your mom back.

*If you're not hustling and you've been sucked into social media world. Here's a pattern I see a lot: people who spend too much on social media end up having a skewed perception of realities... of their own and how other people live. It often leads to comparison, feeling of inadequacy, and judgement. Try to use it for GOOD. ;-) 

6. MAKE CORE RELATIONSHIPS A PRIORITY (*and kick the ones that are toxic)
(What I'm really saying is: Find out who matters to you and make that relationship a priority). 

Family, we can't pick em. If you're blessed with a well functioning family, this task may be easy. However, most of us put the FUN in DYSFUNCTIONAL. Literally! My family is amazing and very unique in their own ways. I don't have a zillion things in common with my family members, but I still take time to make them a priority. I am growing closer to my parents as I get older and understand better of what they've been telling me this whole time! ;-) If you're on the flip end of this and your family treats you bad, don't think you have to sit around for the abuse. You can pick friends who become your family.

Friends -- as you get older, your core circle of friends will change. Some people are blessed to keep friendships alive from a young age, but don't feel obligated to stay in any friendship that isn't encouraging or doesn't serve you positively. Sometimes we hold onto friends that are toxic because we feel guilty if we grow apart. We're ALL growing, whether thats together or apart.

Regardless if its a relationship with your mom, boyfriend, girl friend -- whoever, they ALL take work and they have to be intentional if you want them to progress and be present. Some friends you don't need to keep in touch with all the time, and once you talk again you pick up where you left off. Those are unique and rare in my opinion.

Also, as EASY as it can be to spend ALL your time with your lover/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend, don't forget the other important relationships you have in your life. Balance is a REALLY important skill to have and you'll be proud of yourself for maintaining other important relationships and not cutting people off. Imagine being in your thirties and forties and throwing away friendships in twenties... yikes. 

7. CREATE HEALTHY HABITS NOW
(What I'm really saying is: Don't wait to be miserable to make a change. If you think you'll be more motivated later in life, you won't. Don't wait for 'someday' to come. It's not coming)

I've heard time and time again that once you're in your thirties its much harder to create lasting change. I can't speak for that personally, but from what I've seen, it seems to hold true. Personally, any habit you want to create/implement is usually pretty hard... they say it takes 21 days to build a habit, I say give yourself 30 days for follow through... even more so.

If you think eating right and working out is hard now, what about your future promises that it will be easier? You don't learn how to cook because your 30th birthday is coming up. You don't love to workout out of no where just because you want to reach your goal body by the time your 28.

You really can't wait any longer to start creating healthy habits and kicking the old ones. And I'm not just referring to eating right and working out... this could be anything from meditating for mental clarity to learning to have more patience. What is something you want to work on that will positively impact your life? Get on it. Why wait?! Your life has already started, the gates are wide open. GO.

8. LEARN TO SAVE (SAY NO TO NOW, AND YES TO YOUR FUTURE)
(What I'm really saying is: Don't max out every credit card *or any, avoid opening credit cards for clothing, wear what you have, recycle, get thrifty and think long term financial wealth. You can live at your moms forever and have a LV purse or you can live on your own and have a life. You pick) 

Oh, my... how this one can be hard. When you're in your twenties its hard to not get caught up in what we think we should be doing, saying, dressing, experiencing... You have to remember that everyone lives a different life, you don't see what goes on behind closed doors. But you can't focus on that, you need to focus on your life and how you want to design it. Do you want to be well off by the time your in your thirties or are you still going to be splurging on wild weekends with nothing in the bank to show for it?

I'm all about experiencing life, creating memories and not letting money be the reason to hold me back from really living. HOWEVER... do any of us want to wake up in our later adult years and be worried about retirement? I know I don't! It's ok to sit some things out so you can do things later. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for saying NO to right now so you can say YES later.

Having a retirement plan, 401k, IRA... whatever it is will start setting you up for a better future. You may have to miss a few events, festivals, vacations here and there, but your future self will thank you.

& I didn't even mention buyers remorse... nothing makes me feel ickier than spending what I don't have. Adopt this mantra: I have money, I know how to acquire it and I'm learning how to be better with it. Where there's opportunity, theres wealth.

9. WALK YOUR OWN SPIRITUAL PATH
(What I'm really saying is: It's ok to explore, find what speaks to your soul, question things, and break away from what you think is expected of you. This is a personal area we all must embark on)

I grew up in church... and I won't go TOO deep into that aspect, but for many years I felt like I had to be a certain way in order to be accepted among other believers. I often felt judged, left out, and a little confused. I think thats natural no matter WHERE you are.. whether you're at church or at school. (It's really not in your best interest to care about what others think of you).

Once I wasn't being forced to go to church every Sunday I wanted to start exploring spirituality for myself. As I got older I got into yoga, meditation, different devotionals, readings, etc. Don't be afraid to break away from what your peers, parents, coworkers, whoever are doing... I believe spirituality needs time for self exploration and what you feel connected with.

I wanted my relationship with my creator and spiritual walk to be authentic... not something I HAD to do or felt obligated to because I was raised in a Christian home. I'm a believer, but I'm not a bible thumper. I'm sorry if that offends you, or that phrase is offensive, but lighten up. And if you're a bible thumper, be proud of it if that works for you.

Tip: Don't push spirituality or religion on ANYONE... if you want to positively effect someone with your way of life and beliefs, do it through example, not through force. 

10. JUDGE LESS, LOVE MORE 
(Stop stalking & hating on that one girl or guys IG... their life is not your concern and your time is TOO precious to judge others. What you see in others can often explain what you see in yourself -- good or bad) 

 I know that as we get older, we experience more and start to make references of how 'the world works' but life is constantly changing. That's about the only thing you can really bank on.

I think a lot of people get STUCK somewhere along the way and become so comfortable that they forget what it's like to adapt, be flexible and judge less. There's a difference in finding what works for YOU and being stubborn to staying stuck in things, situations, habits, etc that aren't adding to the richness of your life.

& I'm not saying you have to change with the times if it doesn't serve you or it's not apart of your life plan, but don't judge others for living their life on their terms. Experience what you like, what you don't like, and reflect on it. There's no rule book here, but the world would be a lot better off if we left the judgement to our creator and loved a little more!

13 Week Women's Fitness Challenge -- Are you a LADY BEAST?

Three thoughts came to mind when I looked at my before photo this morning and compared it to now... ready for this?

It's about to get H O N E S T

Thought #1: What's up with those beat shoes? AHAH jk. Sorta. It was more like, "how did you NOT noticed you gained 20lbs?" I think for a while I was a bit blind to my new curves. And by NO MEANS am I calling myself fat, I realize that I wasn't very overweight. But when you're vertically challenged at 5'2" every 5 lbs translate as 10 instead. Short girls understand what I'm saying. It's my "dog years theory" for short people gaining weight. It wasn't until I actually took my BEFORE PHOTOS I noticed just how curvy I really got 

Thought #2: I will NEVER go back to that if its within my control. WHY? Because I remember not fitting in clothes I wanted to be able to wear. For some reason this really just drove me crazy, maybe its because I love fashion (except now, my 'fashion sense' consists of spandex, sports bras and pony tails) and I was never confident enough to wear what I wanted. I remember the dissatisfaction, and that is just not a feeling I'm ok with on a day to day basis.

So I made a change...

Thought #3 Thank You Past SELF! For having the GUTS to take those photos because if it had not been for THOSE photos, I would not know NOW how far I've really come. I'm certainly not the same girl, I'm better. I don't half ass my efforts because I have progress to show what I'm capable of. So thank you Abby at 21 years old... thank you for taking those pictures (and totally not smiling) even though it SUCKED looking at them. But today, I look at them with PRIDE, with SATISFACTION and HUMILITY.

What a journey guys and gals. I'm SO grateful I fell into Beachbody... I'm not sure if I would have done this on my own without it.

So here's YOUR call to action, yes you reading this... are you seeing whats also possible FOR YOU? Because I didn't think way back then I was going to get this far.. I had no idea I could transform my body and confidence the way I have.

I want that for you. But I'm going to be 100% SELECTIVE with who I help in this VERY SMALL INTIMATE CHALLENGE. *no coaches, sorry

I want to prove a theory... that lifting weights makes women sexy, strong and confident. But I REALLY want to focus on just 5 ladies who are FREAKIN' SERIOUS. I don't want to hear any excuses. I don't want, "I'm too tired" and I sure as heck don't want any QUITTERS.

I want some LADY BEASTS in the MAKING! Is that you? If so, RIGHT NOW is the time to fill out this form and message me.http://abbymaried.blogspot.com/p/join-bombshell-challenge.html

Im expecting spots to fill quickly because this is an opportunity to see yourself completely change.

*I also do T25 so if you have that for cardio, well you're gana love the way you look after day 90 -- and T25 is on sale this month as well.

Just a heads up if you are applying and need Body Beast -- its on sale as well  Like I said, now is THEE perfect time to change.

* I realize I look very different from my BEFORE photos, but I did a lot of change -- internal, external, hair, weight, attitude... that whole sha-bang! It was a great growth spurt